Book Concepts That Will Never Sell

As a public service to our agency clients and the general Christian publishing industry (but mostly because it is a real drag being serious all the time) here are some book concepts that will never sell.  Don’t even bother trying to develop them.

  • I Never Knew You: Depressing Bible Verses
  • The Dog that Returned to His Vomit: A Bible Story for All Ages
  • The Eglon Diet: The Purpose Driven Knife
  • Methodists are from Neptune, Presbyterians are from Jupiter
  • Right Behind: Biblical Proof of a Second Rapture
  • The Woman You Gave Me Made Me Eat It: Winning the Marital Blame Game
  • Bible Trash-Talk: Job gets lit up and other Bible passages where God had enough
  • Girls Like Sword-Drill Winners
  • Cheat Codes for Awana Games
  • Butch Butterman and His Friend, Mac the Friendly Ferret: Bible Stories from Weird People and Exotic Animals
  • God Wants You to Have Thick Hair
  • The Complete Book of Bible Complaints
  • The Complete Book of Bible “Begats”
  • 90 Minutes in Muscatine, Iowa
  • The World Will End in 2012 (Special 2015 Update)
  • Completely Unaffected: Industries, Groups and Sports Teams who will not be affected by the Rapture
  • Ole Johnson’s Bible Recipes with Lefse
  • Lutefisk: The Devil’s Food
  • Plagiarism: And Other Secrets to Faster Sermon Preparation
  • The Weak-Willed Parent: Give Your Kids What They Want so they Don’t Embarrass You in the Supermarket
  • The Sharp-Dressed Usher
  • You’ve Got to Stop Your Evil Ways, Baby.
  • Cramming for Finals: Intense Bible Studies for people over 100.
  • Moan, Whimper and Complain Your Way To Happiness
  • Setting the Bar Low: Spiritual disciplines for Procrastinators and Underachievers
  • A Broken Clock is Right Twice A Day: Inspirations for the Pessimist
  • Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway: Tips on healthy Living for Fatalists

Finally, as a public service to novelists, a handy tool for coming up with concepts for your next award winning manuscript.

The Dan Balow Fiction Formulas:

  • The (insert noun) of (insert another noun)
  • (noun) of the (insert adjective and noun)
  • (adjective and noun) of the (noun)
  • (Christian word) of the (Christian word)
  • (color) (noun) of the (noun)
  • When (plural noun) see the (meteorological term)
  • The (number) (plural noun) of (geographic location)
  • The (something from Pottery Barn) of (name of Amish town)

And special mention to those of you who write for Enclave Publishing

  • (Italian name) marries a (animal type) from (name of planet)

 

 

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